To Pieces
by LaraRae
Summary: AU Fic. Ryan and Sandy's relationship suffers when Sandy decides to leave the PD's office, sending Ryan in a downward spiral. Rated mostly for language. Complete.
1. Price

Disclaimer: I do not own even a frame of The O.C…. very sad, yes, I know. I cry about it. Anyways. Don't sue, I have nothing for you, unless you like socks… I have lots of those.

A/N: This is somewhat of an A/U fic, and takes place roughly between the episodes "The Escape" and "The Heights". In other words, the guys haven't started school quite yet, Sandy hasn't started his new job yet, Ryan and Marissa are together, Summer and Seth are… well confusing, and Luke/Ryan are still enemies……Anna won't be mentioned much, I don't think, though I do enjoy her character, I just don't have a spot for her as of yet.

Enjoy, and don't forget to click that little "review" button at the bottom of each chapter, it makes me happy…..

……………………………………

**To Pieces**

Chapter One

Ryan sat in the semi darkness of the Cohen's backyard, staring at the light ripples thrown around from the pool. It was interesting that the Cohens didn't shut off the lights at night, though no one was using them, however it did serve a purpose to Ryan.

It prevented him from falling in the pool on his midnight walks.

Like this one.

He let out a deep sigh, tugging at the leather cuff around his wrist. Kirsten and Sandy had sat down and had a talk with Seth and himself earlier.

Not a good talk, not in Ryan's opinion, though Sandy seemed pretty happy about the whole thing. Sandy was going to start a new job, "Working for the man" Sandy had said. It paid more, and he'd have more opportunities to help those in need, which Ryan doubted.

Working for a large firm, Sandy would probably be weighed down with pointless lawsuits from rich people complaining about a wrinkle in their life.

At the PD's office, Sandy had been helping. Really helping. Giving hope to those who had none, like Ryan. But now, it seemed, Sandy was turning his back on all that. For money.

"_Everyone has their price, Ryan" Trey had told him._

Of course, Trey had, at the time, been referring more to keeping certain activities… quiet, but it still applied here. He could remember that when Trey had told him that, he didn't believe it. Wouldn't believe it. Some people were good at heart, and that's what they went by. Sandy had been one of those people.

He guessed everyone did have their price.

……………………………………..

"Hey man, get up!" Seth cried as he bounced in to the pool house.

He got no response and promptly threw himself on the bed, beside him Ryan rolled over so fast he became entangled in the sheets, ending up on the floor.

Ryan groaned, "What do you want, Seth?" he groaned.

"Time to get up!" he cried, "It's like, nine in the morning and, my dear friend, we only have limited days of Summer holidays left!"

"Ugh" Ryan moaned, laying his head against the floor again.

"Ryan" Seth scolded.

"What?" he snapped from the floor.

"Ooh, grouchy in the morning, aren't we. What, did you stay up all night with Marissa?" he prodded.

"No" Ryan shot back, pulling himself up from the floor.

"What's the dealio then?"

Ryan shot him a glare.

"Hey, I said I was sorry about bouncing you on to the floor"

Another glare.

"Right. So I'm gonna be inside, where you should be, eating" he got up from the bed as Ryan threw himself back in to it.

Seth shook his head and made his way in to the kitchen. Ryan would be in eventually, he hoped.

His mother met him in the kitchen, "Hey, no office today?"

"Someone needs to baby-sit you guys" Kirsten remarked.

Seth scoffed, "baby-sit mother?"

His mother shot him a glare, "Tijuana" she reminded him with a passive glare.

"Right. Baby-sit. I warn you though, as a peace offering, that Ryan's a little grumpy this morning" he held his fingers apart to demonstrate.

"Why?"

"How should I know? I didn't have time to ask before he kicked me out" Seth shrugged, grabbing a handful of dry captain crunch from the box and propelling it to his mouth.

"Seth" Kirsten scolded immediately, "There are clean bowls for a reason!"

"I'm saving you dishes, mother"

She glared.

"Wow, did I miss the memo?"

"What?"

"You know, the one informing everyone but me that today is the day to be grumpy…?"

Kirsten shook her head and got up from her stool.

"See, you cant' baby sit mom, you're tired of me already!"

"I'm going to check on Ryan" she glared at him.

Seth held up his hands in defence, "Don't say I didn't warn you!"

……………………………

Ryan was debating on whether he really felt like getting up or not when there was a knock at the door. He rolled over, lifting his head from the pillow.

Kirsten.

"Hey Ryan… is everything okay?" she asked.

"Fine" he replied shortly.

She frowned, "Seth was right"

Tattletale, Ryan thought. Instead of answering he put his head back on the pillow.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah" Ryan told her, wishing she would leave him alone for awhile. At least until he could put his game face on.

But no. Being the mother that Kirsten was, she set down her coffee on a table and approached his bed, attempting to feel for a temperature.

Ryan rolled away, "I'm fine. Really. I was just up late"

Kirsten seemed taken aback for a minute, "Oh" was all she said.

He stared at her, wondering if she was happy about Sandy's transfer. At least this way he couldn't bring home any more stray kids….

"Well. I'm going to go back inside then" she shot him a smile.

Ryan didn't reply, and didn't move until she had gone. He pulled himself in to a sitting position, looking around.

Why had Sandy even switched jobs. It wasn't as though the family needed the money. Why not help people who needed it, while being supported financially? Maybe Kirsten had something to do with it….

………………………………………..

Sandy walked in to the kitchen just as his wife emerged through the back door.

"Hey honey" he greeted her, "Seth" he said.

"Hey. How come you're home so early, I thought you had papers and that to sign.." Kirsten commented.

"Yea, I did. And now they're done, I just wasn't sure how long it would take."

"Oh"

Seth smiled suddenly, looking up from the counter, "Did he kick you out too?" Seth asked his mother.

She shot him a look.

"Who kicked who out?" Sandy asked, setting his briefcase down on the counter.

"Don't worry about it" Kirsten said at the same time Seth went

"Ryan"

Sandy frowned, "What's wrong with him? Is he sick?" It wasn't like Ryan to be… un – polite.

"He's fine. And he didn't kick me out" Kirsten looked pointedly at Seth.

"He hit you with the stonewall of silence?" Seth suggested.

Kirsten sighed, "Everyone's allowed to have a bad day Seth. I don't want you pestering him all day"

"Maybe I should go talk to him" Sandy suggested.

Seth snorted and Kirsten shrugged.

It was that moment Ryan chose to make his entrance through the patio doors, sporting jeans and a wife-beater, his trademark look.

He shot Seth a small glare as he entered the kitchen, then spoke "Hey" he said.

"Seems fine to me" Sandy commented, surprised when Ryan looked up at him, meeting his eyes, a glare there for himself as well.

"Yeah. Just great" Seth commented sarcastically.

"Seth" Ryan warned.

"No. Really, what's wrong Ryan, you're never like this" Sandy commented, feeling chilled by the look Ryan had given him.

Ryan hesitated for a moment, "Nothing, can't I have a bad day once in awhile?"

"See" Kirsten put in.

Ryan paused at the cupboard, then dropped his hand, turning around. "You know what, I'm not hungry" he said, quickly exiting the kitchen and heading back out to the pool house.

The Cohens shared a look.

"Something's up his ass" Seth commented.

"Seth, don't say 'ass' Kirsten commented passively.

………………………………………

Ryan hadn't been alone in the pool house for two minutes before there was another knock at the door. He glanced up, Sandy. He took a deep breath.

"Hey kid" Sandy greeted, "You want to talk?"

"Not really" Ryan said pointedly.

"Something happen with Marissa?" he pushed.

"Nope" Ryan threw himself back on the bed.

"With Seth? I know he can be a little…. Buggy at times but he means well"

"It's not Seth"

" Are you stressed because of school? Because you'll do just fine"

Ryan didn't even offer a reply, but sighed instead.

"Hey, kid. Come on, you're never like this.."

"How would you know?" Ryan shot back, "You've only known me for six weeks"

Sandy sighed, "Well if you want to talk.."

"Which I don't" Ryan added.

"I'll be inside"

Ryan waited for his retreating figure to disappear in to the house completely before he left the pool-house to grab his bike.

He couldn't be here right now.

……………………………………

Ryan had been riding aimlessly for hours, attempting to burn off some of his pent up energy. The little ball that just seemed to keep growing in him, constricting his chest.

Without realising it he reached out and banged his fist in to the wooden pier, innocent bystanders quickly inched away.

"What's your problem, Chino" a voice questioned from behind.

Not now. He didn't need this now. Ryan turned to reveal a cocky looking Luke standing there.

_No more fights_ he could remember promising.

"You are" Ryan heard himself utter the words, silently cursing himself.

Luke smiled, tilting his chin upwards, "Oh yeah?"

Ryan took a step forward, tilting his head to the side. An unspoken acceptance to the challenge.

_What was he doing?_

Luke swung his fist first, managing to swing quickly and clip Ryan in the left eye, causing him to stumble backwards in to the pier siding.

He grabbed it, propelling himself forward in to Luke's frame, knocking both boys to the ground. Ryan landed on top.

He felt Luke knee his gut at the same time Ryan's fist connected with Luke's nose, blood began to seep out slowly.

Luke took another swing, hitting Ryan square in the jaw, causing his head to snap back quickly and his vision to blur. But it didn't stop him. No.

_If there's one thing Chino taught me, it was how to fight_.

He connected twice with Luke's ribs before Luke was able to propel Ryan backwards, using his hands and feet. Ryan stumbled, landing on his ass, but quickly righted himself in to a crouching position.

Luke was getting to his feet.

Again Ryan propelled himself towards his enemy, this time hitting his legs causing Luke to bend forwards and fall on top of Ryan.

_Stupid._

Luke didn't miss a chance to drive an elbow directly in to Ryan's side, causing him to gasp with pain, however it really only angered him further.

Using the anger that was constricting his chest, Ryan managed to roll Luke's body off of him and dive to the side.

_Back on top._

He smashed his right fist first, feeling Luke's connect with his cheekbone. His left went to Luke's gut, who parried the attack with the same move. Boy boys rolled off eachother, gasping for breath for a moment when a voice interrupted them.

"I'm gonna call the cops"

Luke and Ryan both glanced up at the small shop keeper, suddenly noticing that they had an audience. Immediately they both jumped to their feet, Luke running down the pier and Ryan jumping on his bike.

Peddling. Fast as he could, just to get away.

……………………………..

It was a few hours later that Ryan finally returned to the Cohen household. He noticed all the lights were off, and hoped they were all asleep.

Dumping his bike behind the pool-house he entered it, flicking on a light to reveal Kirsten and Sandy sitting on the day bed.

Examining. Thinking.

"What the hell happened to your face!?" Kirsten demanded, rising to her feet.

Ryan began to edge towards the washroom. He was well aware his face must look like crap.

"You said no more fights!" Sandy yelled.

Ryan flinched. He'd never really heard either of them scream before. Not at him anyways.

"What does it matter?" he snapped back. Almost a defence mechanism.

"It matters because you promised!" Kirsten cried, moving closer to him.

Ryan backed up, away from her, again edging towards the washroom.

"No!" Sandy said firmly, finally rising as well. "Don't you even think about trying to hide from us in that washroom. You will sit down, right now, and explain to me exactly how this happened! And why, in the first place, you decided to leave without letting anyone know… for nearly" he checked his watch, " Fourteen hours"

"I didn't start it, okay!?"

"No, it's not okay!" Sandy told him, stepping past Kirsten.

"So what, you want me to get the shit beaten out of me now? Is that it?"

Sandy paused a moment, "You could have walked away!"

Ryan snorted, the action hurting just about everything on his face. His split lip, his swelling cheekbone, the cut on his forehead.

_Damned varsity rings._

"Ryan. Really, what the hell has gotten in to you?"

"You!" Ryan shot back, without meaning too. There was silence for a moment, "You know what? I'm done talking for tonight." He stated firmly, then left the conversation, slamming the bathroom door in his wake.

He hit the thumb lock in to place and turned on the shower, hoping to drown out the number of voices screaming in his head.

He glanced up at the mirror above the sink and saw the bruising on his face. The telltale blood clot at the base of his nose. The raw cut etched in his forehead.

Ryan turned away, the view reminding him too much of what he saw in the mirrors in Chino, and got in the shower still wearing his clothes.

There Ryan sat down letting the spray run down over him, washing away the blood, dirt, sweat and tears.


	2. To Pieces

**To Pieces**

Chapter Two

Ryan jumped as the sound of the patio door echoed in the early morning. He glanced over to find Sandy standing there, head to toe in surf wear. He turned back to stare out at the ocean, well aware Sandy was still studying him.

"Don't you sleep?" Sandy tried to joke, unable to get a smile he changed his tone.

"Look, Ryan, I'm sorry about having to ground you but… you did break the rules. You're lucky your probation officer doesn't even know about this"

Ryan shrugged, "If you want to tell him, go ahead"

"That would result in you being taken away, you know that" Sandy chastised him.

Ryan shrugged again, "If that's what makes you happy"

Silence for a moment. "It wouldn't. Make me happy I mean. Ryan, believe it or not, we all want you here. We all care about you."

"Great way of showing it" Ryan muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing" Ryan told him quickly.

"So… do you even sleep any more?" Sandy asked.

Ryan didn't answer. At least not to Sandy.

No, he told himself. I don't sleep. I can't sleep. I try, every night since he'd gotten back to find Kirsten and Sandy in his room, but to no avail.

"This is the fourth morning I've woken to see you sitting here"

"And you decided to have a nice little chat today?" Ryan asked him, half turning his head to study him from the corner of his eye.

Sandy sighed. "Kirsten's worried about you. She thinks you're not eating either."

"I'm not hungry"

Sandy scoffed, "After nearly five days your not hungry?"

"Doesn't mean I haven't eaten" Ryan pointed out.

"Have you?"

"Yes" Ryan answered truthfully. A bit anyways. Mainly things that were plain and not spicy… things that wouldn't taste so awful coming back up again.

Which is what, half the time, they did.

Ryan heard the door slide open again, and turned his head to find Sandy gone. He folded his legs in front of him on the chair, resting his head on his knees and closing his eyes.

………………………………………..

"Ryan!" He heard someone call frantically. But from a distance. Or at least, it seemed like a distance.

The call came again, Ryan ignored it again.

This time it became persistent. Annoying. He snapped his eye lids open, expecting to find himself wrapped up in his blankets on his bed, not the kitchen floor.

He focused slowly on the face bobbing ahead of him, in his line of vision. "Kirsten?" he asked, vaguely.

"Thank god" she gasped, "What happened?" she demanded right away.

Ryan blinked for a moment, trying to get his bearings and remember what happened. "I was making a sandwich" he finally told her.

"On the floor?" she asked, sarcastically.

"I guess I was tired" he shrugged, sitting up and feeling the nausea hit him. He held it back.

"You passed out?" she asked again, resting her hand on his shoulder.

Ryan shrugged, "I guess"

"That's it. I knew it. Sandy said something about you not sleeping properly, and I know damn well you haven't been eating properly –"

"Mom, don't say 'damn' a perky voice chastised.

They both looked up to see Seth enter the kitchen. He frowned, "hey Ry, what are you doing on the floor?"

Ryan stared down at his lap.

"Ryan's not feeling well" Kirsten finally told Seth, "So no bothering him today. I'm going to take him out to the pool house and let him get some rest."

Seth nodded slowly, still trying to peg the situation he'd just wandered in to.

"Can you get up?" Kirsten asked him, worry stretched across her face.

Ryan nodded, taking a deep breath and pushed himself slowly to his feet, his hands clasping the counter tightly.

It was only then he saw the mess.

There were slices of bread strewn across the floor, peanut butter side down. "I'll clean up" Ryan told her.

Kirsten adamantly shook her head, "No, I'll get it later. What would you like to eat?" she asked him.

"Just…a sandwich?" he asked.

Kirsten smiled, "I'll make two and bring them out for you. Seth, help Ryan outside" she ordered.

"Sure" Seth said, cautiously approaching Ryan. They weren't particularly on the best of terms right now. He offered one arm for Ryan to grasp on to, and grasp was what Ryan did.

Shakily he took a few steps, slowly releasing the pressure from Seth's forearm, for which he was wincing.

"Good" Seth encouraged him, "You'll be ready for that treadmill in no time" he glanced over at Ryan, who, for the first time in awhile, had a slight smile tugging at the edges of his lips.

When they finally reached their destination, Kirsten arrived with sandwiches shortly after, and a glass of milk. She sat them down on the table beside Ryan's bed, where he was sitting, and left quietly, shooting Seth a warning glance on her way out.

"So.." Seth countered, watching Ryan lift half the sandwich to his mouth.

Ryan looked at him, appearing apprehensive, and Seth noticed how terrible his friend really looked.

He hadn't paid much attention to Ryan in the past couple days, but now he couldn't take his eyes off him.

The bruising from the fight was starting to go away, but dark circles had emerged under his eyes, making Ryan appear gaunt and sickly.

No wonder his parents were so damned worried about the kid, Seth thought.

"Look, I know you don't like talking about things" Seth began, "But frankly, you look like crap man… what's going on?" he leaned forward.

Ryan hesitated, then took a bite of his sandwich as if using it as a reason not to reply right away. He chewed and swallowed slowly, "I don't… I don't know" he finally shrugged.

"You don't know why you aren't eating or sleeping, or why you're in such a grouch lately?" Seth persisted.

"I do eat" Ryan defended himself.

"But you don't sleep?" Seth asked.

"I can't" Ryan finally told him.

"Why not?"

Ryan shrugged. "I never could when I was stressed.

"Okay. What are you stressed about?" he persisted.

Another shrug.

"School?"

Ryan shook his head, no.

"Help me out here, man"

"I'm not really stressed.. I'm just.. upset… or angry or something"

Seth realised how hard Ryan really was trying when he said this. Ryan Atwood, admit to feeling things?

"What about? Marissa do something? Luke?"

"No.. it's.."

Seth waited.

"Your dad" Ryan finally breathed.

"My dad?" Seth asked, "He's not holding a grudge against you or anything you know Ryan…. He still loves you or what ever"

"No.. it's not that… his job"

"You're upset over his new job?" Seth asked, confused.

"Sort of"

"Why would you be upset about dad's job?"

Ryan looked up, sharply. Seth had hit a nerve. "Because it was stupid of him to change jobs" he shot back. Seth could tell his defences were raising again. He nodded.

"How come?" Seth asked.

Ryan chewed on his sandwich without replying.

Seth had worn out his welcome. He knew from experience when he wasn't wanted.

………………………………………

As soon as Seth neared the back door he could hear voices yelling. His parents, he paused to listen out of sight.

"You should be focused on your family, Sandy, not a damned paycheque!" his mother was yelling.

"I am focused on our family, Kirsten!" his father yelled back.

"Oh yeah? Then how come I'm the one staying home and dealing with Ryan? How come I'm the one who made his sandwiches today when he passed out?!"

"He passed out?" Seth heard Sandy's voice soften.

"Yes" Kirsten let out a sob, "I'm so worried about him Sandy, and I can't do this alone… I just.. I can't!"

"You're not alone, honey"

"Yes I am!" she shot back, voice raising again, "You're off at your new job which you haven't even officially started yet, you're just doing favours!"

"I'm building work relationships, Kirsten. You know I can't take this time off, not without risking this job! We've discussed this!"

"And obviously you didn't get my point!" Kirsten snapped back.

Seth pulled away from the door, not wanting to hear anymore. He may always poke fun at his usually-loving parents, but it made him feel safe inside. Secure. What he'd just born witness to made him feel sick.

Everything was falling to pieces.

…………………………………..

Ryan trotted down the long stone driveway having woken from a decent nap. The sun was no longer out, long since diminished. Instead, the moon shone brightly, reflecting in the dark windows of surrounding houses.

"Hey!" a surprised voice stopped him in his tracks. He glanced over to find Marissa standing at the driver's side door of her car.

Ryan gave her a slight smile, "Hey" he greeted her.

"So.. haven't seen you in awhile" Marissa commented.

"Yeah… I've been-"

"Sick and grounded, I know. I called and Kirsten told me" she smiled, "Grounded, huh?" she arched an eyebrow.

Ryan glanced to the ground, "So what are you doing around here so late?" he questioned back.

"Legitimate reason" Marissa told him, "Picking up some stuff I forgot to pack for my dad's. I fell asleep on my old bed"

Ryan nodded.

"So you're going out?" Marissa asked him, "Sneaking out?"

"I was just gonna go for a walk, I couldn't sleep anymore" he explained.

She nodded her head, "Sure" she teased, "No big parties planned?"

Ryan shook his head.

"I know of one" she smiled secretly.

Ryan raised his eyebrows. A party….

"Lets go" Ryan finally said, he was tired of following the rules.

…………………………………….


	3. War

**To Pieces**

Chapter Three

Ryan sat on the couch in the living room, surveying the scene around himself. There were people everywhere, so many it was impossible to move without rubbing someone else's shoulders.

Beside him, Marissa reached out to the table in front of them, grabbing a bottle of Sam's and pouring it in to her orange juice.

"Didn't you already add vodka to that?" Ryan shot her a look.

Marissa shrugged, smiling, "Come on Ryan, relax" she handed him the chilled bottle and took a sip of her drink.

Ryan looked down in his hands.

_He shouldn't. It's exactly what he hated about his own mother. Exactly what he hated about Marissa herself._

Ryan studied it for a moment longer, beside him Marissa let out a loud laugh. Another mouthful of her drink.

He bit his lip, bowing his head for a moment.

_He would get in trouble if he came home drunk._

Only if they caught him, he reasoned.

_Sandy all but turned his back on you, other people like you._

He wants to be the breadwinner, Ryan shook his head.

_He doesn't have to be. He should be using his financial security to help people. People in need, not people complaining about botox treatments._

He still cares. About me. About Seth. Kirsten. He still cares about the family.

_Really? Because he hasn't been around lately. He'd rather do people at his firm favours than be there for you guys…._

Ryan raised his chin, his lips meeting the cold glass bottle. He tilted the bottle upwards, letting the clear liquid burn his throat on the way down.

He didn't cough. Didn't gag. He took another.

_Why had Sandy left the PD's office? He had been in a position to help people, to really help them, but now…. Now it was as though it meant nothing. As if Ryan meant nothing._

You should be thankful he took you in before leaving the PD's office, Ryan told himself.

_Thankful? What, you really wanted to be invited in to a family to see it fall apart right in front of your eyes? Over a job?_

Ryan threw back his head once more, swallowing a mouthful. He could feel the bitter and burning taste begin to diminish. Disappear.

"Do you think you should slow down?" Marissa asked, eyeing him warily.

_Like you're one to talk_.

"No, I'm fine" Ryan answered instead. She nodded, continuing to tend to her drink and watch those around her.

_The family was falling apart in front of his eyes. In front of everyone's eyes. He'd heard Kirsten and Sandy fighting a couple times. He wasn't particularly on great terms with Seth. Or Sandy. Or even Kirsten._

Not even on good terms with yourself.

_Sandy had given him everything, and taken it all away again. He'd given him hope… given him a family. To him, that's what Sandy stood for. Hope and family. Love. He was someone who had an unending supply of care and emotion for his family, for his friends… for his clients. And he'd just turned his back on it._

He could still care about his clients.

_Yeah, right. You can only care so much for someone filing a lawsuit because one implant is bigger than another. What did that solve, anyways? Nothing. If anything, it supported a rich person's need to have more. More of what they didn't need, money._

_Sandy had said it himself, to Ryan. Not everyone working in the system cared a whole lot about who they were dealing with. After numerous years working with troubled kids, Sandy had never stopped caring. Ninety percent of anyone working Sandy's job would have stopped caring._

Ryan took consecutive shots from the Sam's bottle, setting it down on the table in front of him.

Empty.

He grabbed himself a bottle of Seven, some Sprite and two glasses, beginning to make a Seven and Seven. He handed it to Marissa, grinning lopsidedly at her. She smiled back and raised her glass for a silent toast.

Together they drank them back, slamming them on the table and laughing. Ryan's phone began to vibrate, he fumbled for it, glancing at the display.

"Who?" Marissa slurred happily.

"Seth" he replied, putting the phone away.

_Seth. He says he wants to know what's wrong, but he wouldn't understand. Seth cared about… well, Seth. He could imagine exactly what Seth would say to him if Ryan confronted him about the situation._

" _Why does it matter, Ryan? You have a roof over your head.."_

_But that was just it. Without Sandy, he wouldn't have a place to sleep… at least not a place he wanted to be….. Sandy had offered him more than a place to stay when Ryan came to Newport. He offered hope. Eventually he offered Ryan a family._

_Now it was as though he'd turned his back on it._

"Hey man" someone patted Ryan on the back. Ryan turned, recognizing the guy as someone he'd worked with at the Crab Shack.

"Hey" Ryan said, raising his glass to his lips again.

"You always drink like that?" the guy asked.

"I don't drink" Ryan put on his charming smile.

The guy laughed, "Right" he nodded to Marissa, "This your girl?"

"Hell yeah" he nodded, swinging his arm around Marissa's shoulders.

"You two got plans tomorrow night?" The guy asked, making small talk.

"Nah" Ryan replied, turning to fill another glass.

"There's a party down in the numbered streets everyone's talkin' about. Sposed to be great. I'm recruiting. You want in?"

Ryan shrugged, "Sure man" he said, holding out his knuckles.

The other guy bumped them and started weaving through the crowd again.

"Who's that?"

"Dunno" Ryan replied, grinning. Marissa laughed, then glanced at her purse. It was ringing. She grabbed it and opened it, fumbling around for her cell phone to no avail. She dumped the contents out on to the couch and grabbed the noisy thing.

"'Lo?" she asked.

"Marissa?" a voice asked.

"Hi Seth!" she exclaimed in to the phone. Ryan started waving his hands back and forth, mouth no. "Ryan! It's Seth! Seth, Ryan's here, we're having, like, so much fun!"

"Are you drunk again Cooper?"

"No!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah. Right. Lemme talk to Ryan"

"Okay. Bye" she said, handing the phone off to Ryan.

Ryan sighed, "What do you want Seth?" he asked angrily.

"Well, nice to talk to you too buddy. Did you know it's nearly four in the morning?" he asked.

"Sure"

"And Ryan. Please tell me you're sleepwalking and didn't sneak out, Cause mom and dad are going to have your ass"

"Seth, I can't talk right now" Ryan mumbled as Marissa began kissing his neck.

"Don't hang up!"

"Bye" Ryan said, snapping the phone closed.

"What did he want?"

"For me to go home"

"Party pooper" Marissa grinned slyly, continuing along his collarbone.

"Yea he is" Ryan smiled.

………………………………………

Ryan didn't make it home for another hour. He couldn't particularly remember who had given him a ride. Maybe that kid from the crab shack, Ryan thought, trying to focus on walking.

He groaned, searching his pockets for his keys when the front door opened, the light nearly blinding Ryan.

A haggard looking Kirsten stood there, and angry Sandy behind her, and an interested Seth behind him.

"Hey guys" Ryan smiled, holding up his hand, "S'up?"

"Oh my god, you're drunk!" Kirsten exclaimed.

Ryan snorted, "am not" he said, blinking and walking towards them.

Kirsten perched her hands on her hips, "Sandy!" she turned to her husband. He walked forward, then stopped, staring at his foster son, he shook his head.

"Ryan-" he started.

"Save it!" Ryan snapped, pushing drunkenly past them. Kirsten scrunched her nose, trying to wave away the smell of liquor.

Ryan made it four feet before he toppled over and down the foyer steps, face planting the marble entrance way. He lay there for a moment, the cold feeling good on his flushed cheeks.

"Get up!" Sandy demanded.

"Why?" Ryan asked, not moving.

"Because we have to talk. All of us!" Kirsten raised her voice.

"Talk, or yell?" Ryan commented.

There was silence for a moment, "Get up!" Sandy ordered again.

Ryan clumsily pushed himself to his feet, slowly he turned to face the Cohens. He clenched his jaw, preparing. "Let's talk then, though I don't see why it matters"

"It matters because this" Sandy waved his hand at Ryan, "Is a problem"

"You sure you're not the problem?" Ryan asked him.

"Ryan!" Kirsten and Seth snapped at the same time.

"What?!" he asked, looking around him. "Oh. I get it. Everything is my fault, right? Blame it on the delinquent so we don't have to resume responsibility! It that what I am here? Is that what I've become? The GODDAMNED BUILT IN EXCUSE?" he screamed.

Ryan's breaths were coming in heaves, his shoulders moving violently with the motion.

"Living Room, now!" Sandy ordered, not raising his voice. But his eyes were cold.

"I'm tired of the yelling" Ryan dropped his voice, approaching Sandy and looking him in the eye, he continued.

"It's too late for talking, Mr. Cohen. Because none of us are talking, we're just yelling. Fighting. The family is falling apart – and it's not my fault, it's yours!" he breathed, pushing Sandy's shoulder with his index finger.

They both fumed for a moment, then Ryan pushed past him, back out in to the black night.

"Go after him!" Kirsten told her husband.

"No" Sandy told her. "I'm tired of this. I'm done." He shook his head.

Kirsten swallowed, "Sandy .." she trailed. Sandy turned to look at her, and saw the heart break in his eyes, on his face. She saw the defeat in his shoulders.

Seth stormed past his parents, taking the stairs two at a time. The door slamming echoed through the house.

Kirsten eyes her husband, then her eyes darted back to the doorway where Ryan had disappeared. He husband began to move.

Kirsten sighed, closing the door silently and following her husband.

_This isn't happening_.

Maybe if she just told herself that a million more times, it would be true.

………………………………..

"Hey, Kid" someone spoke from above Ryan. Ryan cracked his eyes open, groaning as the early beams of sunlight hit them. He closed them again.

"Hey" the person said again, Ryan finally opened his eyes. The figure was now standing directly over him, nudging Ryan with his boot.

Ryan shot suddenly from the ground, then grabbed his head as it pounded his skull. "Ohh" he let out.

"You okay?" The cop studied him.

"Fine, great. Must of fallen asleep" Ryan remarked, managing to crawl to his feet. He looked around him remembering where he was. One of the man life guard stations along the Pacific Coast.

"You don't look okay. What are you doing here?"

Ryan swayed for a moment, then grabbed the worn white railing. "Taking a nap" he remarked dryly.

"here?" the cop asked.

"I was star gazing" Ryan smirked.

The police officer studied him for a moment. He wasn't stupid, he could still smell the rank of alcohol this kid had induced himself in.

"What's your name?" the cop asked.

"Ryan A-" he stopped, "Cohen" he lied, knowing damn well if the guy decided to run it through his system, it would come up he was on probation.

"Cohen, huh?"

"Yeah"

"You know Sandy Cohen?" the guy asked.

Ryan nodded, "He's my lawyer… or.. my foster father.." Ryan blinked, shaking his head slightly.

The cop eyed him for another moment, then nodded. "Get in the cruiser kid, I'll take you home"

Ryan sighed. "If I still have one" he commented under his breath quietly. After last night, he wasn't sure.

"What?"

"Nothing" Ryan shook his head, following the police officer.

………………………………..

"Hey Sandy" the police officer greeted his old friend. "You're not around the office anymore, I hear you sold out"

"Thomas" Sandy greeted his acquaintance warily, "Unfortunately, yeah. Paycheque has a lot more zeros than the PD's office could ever offer" he smiled tentatively.

"I got someone here you may wish to see" Thomas told him, stepping back. Sandy opened the door wider to find a hung over Ryan standing on the steps, covered in sand. He turned back to Thomas.

"Thanks Thomas" he said, stepping back. "Ryan, inside" he nodded his head backwards. Ryan dropped his head and shuffled inside.

"Your kid alright?" Thomas asked once he was out of sight.

Sandy sighed, "We're… having some issues right now.." Sandy admitted.

"That the one you took in?"

Sandy nodded.

"Whole office still talks about it. Women love the story, my wife tells it to all her friends. You'd think she's hoping I'll bring one home"

Sandy let out a short laugh. "He's a… good kid. Most of the time" he nodded.

"You guys fight bad enough for him to sleep at the beach?" Thomas asked.

Sandy appeared startled.

"Sorry. None of my business" Thomas smiled.

Sandy shook his head, "No, it's nothing. Doesn't matter."

"So how's the new job?"

Sandy shrugged.

"What does Kirsten and Seth think of it?"

Sandy held up a hand, tilting it back and forth.

"Ryan's having some problems with it?"

Sandy sighed, nodding. "I just don't understand why"

Thomas studied his, a smile on his lips, "You're kidding, right?"

"No, why?"

"Sandy-" he started, then changed his mind. "Maybe you should ask him"

"Yeah. Yeah, I will. Thanks for bringing him home Thomas" Sandy shook his hand.

"No problem, Sandy." Thomas smiled, turning and starting back to his cruiser. He paused, then turned on his heel, "Sandy?" he asked.

"Yeah?" Sandy asked, opening the door back up.

"Don't yell at him. Try talking to him like an adult… I've dealt with a lot of these kids too…. Sometimes it works"

Sandy nodded, closing the door and leaning against it, staring in to his house. He took a deep breath and headed back in to the war zone.

…………………………………………..

**Author's Note:** (BTW, there are more chapters to come…)

So there were a few of you who, before this chapter, couldn't seem to understand why Ryan was so upset with Sandy leaving the PD's office. I hope this chapter clarified things a bit, but if they didn't, I beg you, you have to do one thing for me.

Go back to the episode "The Escape" and watch the intro scene. Watch Ryan carefully when he asks, hesitantly, if Sandy will leave the PD's office and Kirsten scoffs.

It's all there folks. In the eyes, the hesitation, the worry, the disappointment. And I realise that "Ryan" is merely a character, but obviously Ben was instructed to do the scene with feeling, and that he did.

I just think it's sad, even though he rocks, Josh never decided to address this issue. So I am.

I think that, by Sandy leaving the PD's office, he in essence would have undermined Ryan's trust in him, (not that Sandy promised he would stay at the PD's office or anything), but everyone knows that's where Sandy belongs, even Sandy!

Anyways guys. My point is, a career change is huge for anyone. It's a defining moment. And personally, if I were in Ryan's position, I would be prettyangry atthe change Sandy made.. and shocked, and diappointed ... even if it's seemingly unjustified.


	4. All in the Eyes

**To Pieces**

Chapter Four

Sandy entered the sitting room, situated off the kitchen, to find his family sitting around, waiting.

Kirsten was tiredly holding her head up with her right palm, unwittingly chewing on her lip.

Seth had his head pressed back in to the chair he had taken over, his foot tapping on the ground.

Ryan, having chosen the furthest seat away from everyone, was leaning forwards so much his forehead nearly touched his knees. His fingers were interlaced behind his neck.

Sandy stood there for a moment, surveying these people he loved. The people whom were supposed to be his family. The problem was that, at the moment, none of them were particularly happy family members.

He wasn't even sure where to start, or even the best way to start. He passively wondered if it would work just to ground everyone for three months. No one allowed to leave the house, not even for work.

He let a smile bounce across his lips, playing with the idea.

"Sandy?" Kirsten interrupted his thoughts.

He glanced at her, "Yeah?"

She didn't answer, didn't have the time to before Sandy's cell phone rang.

"I'll just –" he motioned to Kirsten he would only be a moment, then turned his back to answer the phone.

Sandy knew who it was. He wasn't stupid. And he knew Kirsten knew who it was, because The Kirsten was anything _but_ stupid.

"Hi, Rachel" Sandy spoke in to the phone.

Kirsten, from her spot on the couch, noticed immediately when Ryan's head shot up at the vague mention of Sandy's workplace. She also noticed him rubbing his temples, wincing.

Fast movement wasn't so great for a hangover, she knew. Without a word Kirsten got up and left the living room.

Ryan closed his eyes, trying to prevent the simple disorientation from turning in to nausea. He was in enough trouble, if he puked he was positive it wouldn't improve the situation.

He didn't see, so much as feel, a sudden presence at his side. He slit his eyes open carefully, looking up.

Kirsten.

She offered a weak smile, and held out both of her hands, bearing Tylenol and a glass of water.

Kirsten saw the obvious surprise towards her gesture on Ryan's face, and his tentative acceptance of her remedy.

"Just because you're a trouble maker Ryan, doesn't mean we hate you" she whispered quietly.

And then she saw something that made her feel ten times better about the day in general.

A smile. Not a hesitant one, not a fake one, but an honest smile coming from someone she hadn't seen smile in a long time. Kirsten had absolutely no control over the single tear that slipped from her eye and trailed down her cheek. She turned quickly, an attempt to hide her sentimentality and love for Ryan, and returned to a spot on the sofa.

"Well…" Sandy started, turning back to face his family. He pocketed his cell phone.

"Let me guess, you have to go to the office?" Ryan shot, "Damn, guess that means we have to wait for this meeting until later, assuming you plan on making it home before our bed time"

Kirsten noticed that all traces of his briefly smiling face were gone. He was pissed.

"Actually" Sandy corrected, "I told them there was no way I could make it in today."

"Why, because your delinquent adoptive son just got brought home by the police after running away drunk last night? Please" Ryan waved, "Go ahead and go in to the office if it makes you happy"

Sandy stood, shocked for a moment. "I.. I told them I couldn't make it in again until you boys started school. I told them that my family needed me right now."

Sandy saw Ryan deflate. He saw his anger drain from him, his shoulders slouch forward slightly. The smirk slid from his face, and his fingers stopped gripping the soft arm so tightly.

Sandy observed his family again. Ryan was studying his hands, Seth was staring openly at his father, and Kirsten was smiling at him.

God, he'd missed that smile.

"Kirsten. Seth, could you both excuse Ryan and I?" Sandy asked quietly. Immediately they both got up and left the room.

Ryan finally got the courage to look up from his lap at the person who was now sitting right in front of him. He met Sandy's eyes with his own and saw that nothing had changed.

They were the same gentle eyes he'd looked in to at juvenile hall.

The same ones that had shown pity when Ryan was going to be put in the system. That had given comfort when his mother had left him; twice.

They were the same eyes that Sandy Cohen had always had, working for the PD's office or even a large firm.

Eyes are the windows to the soul, and Sandy Cohen's soul had not changed one bit from the day he had saved Ryan from a life of fear, pain and self destruction.

"I'm sorry" Ryan finally said, unable to turn away.

He saw the skin crinkle slightly around Sandy's weathered skin and knew he was smiling.

"I just thought that –" he rushed to explain.

Sandy held up his hand, gesturing for Ryan to stop. "It's okay, Ryan" he said.

"But I-"

Sandy smiled. "As did I, Ryan. I owe an apology as much as you do"

"But –"

"No buts, Ryan. I should have known" he shook his head slightly.

"….known…?" Ryan asked tentatively.

"How you would feel about my career change"

"How.. did you..?"

"I saw it in your eyes, just like you saw that I hadn't changed. We should have done this a long time ago"

Ryan looked back down at his hands, smiling.

"But don't think this lets you get away with… lets see… coming home plastered out of your tree" Sandy suggested, "Because that still warrants further punishment yet to be decided"

Ryan blushed crimson, "I was stupid-"

"Yes. You were." Sandy replied honestly.

Ryan stiffened, dropping his head in shame now.

"But it's okay" Sandy continued, clasping his son on the shoulder, "Because trust me on this kid, everyone makes mistakes"

Ryan looked up to find a smile twitching at the corners of Sandy's mouth. That was it, Ryan wondered?

No yelling. No screaming. No throwing alcohol bottles. No fists or threats?

Maybe talking to Sandy wasn't so bad.

He smiled back, and both men rose to their feet.

"Now I have to go plead for mercy from The Kirsten" Sandy remarked.

"Try the eye thing" Ryan nodded, grinning.

Sandy let out a laugh and left the room, on his way to make things right with his wife.

Ryan watched him go, then went to hunt down Seth. He wasn't quite sure how many apologies he owed to the kid this time, but with any luck, Ryan could make it work.

With any luck, Ryan Atwood could make everything that was Newport work.

………………………………….


End file.
